I’m already boring. I can tell. Boring and sober and boring. See? I can’t even think of another interesting adjective. Fuck. This is going to be a long month.
2. I’m giving in. letting go and sliding down the hill to complete and utter brainwashed consumer bliss. I have decided to buy the dreaded girl trappings of feigned exercise fiends. I know. I know! The most brutal, overly-done overly-priced fashion of the least-fashionable. And now I’m one of them. But the truth is, those fucking pants are awesome. And I vow to wear them ONLY to pilates and ONLY indoors.
Please take heed my friends, if, in 3 weeks, you see me scuffing down the street in pony-tail, uggs and the aforementioned lulu’s, please, do not hesitate to intervene immediately.
This is a slippery slope, dear friends.
3. Guys, I’m totally starting a band. I’m going to be the lead (OBVS.) and only my ridiculously attractive friends are allowed to audition.
Once formed, we’ll destroy the local scene with our inherent, attractive, awesomeness. All’s we need is a few thousand color photos of my face and the yettobedecidedbandname splayed in only the cool neighborhoods across town.
The outoftheloopers will be all, “who are those ridiculously attractive people I see on all of the telephone poles lately?”
Intheloopers, “pffffft. You don’t know? That’s yettobedecidedbandname. I heard the lead singer is dating Winona Rider.”
How will we achieve such success, and so soon?
Pfft. We’ll steal the booking books from only the coolest venues in town. Once returned, out yettobedecidedbandname will be splashed all over and those books don’t just fill themselves you know. If the book says you’re playing tonight? You bet your ass you are.
And if that doesn’t work. I’ll just watch these guys and get more tips.
p.s. dear Jay McCarrol, let’s get married already. You can be all deadpan funny and tall and shit and I’ll laugh a lot and let you write piano songs for me. I don’t ever need to eat peanuts again if it means not killing you.
Once formed, we’ll destroy the local scene with our inherent, attractive, awesomeness. All’s we need is a few thousand color photos of my face and the yettobedecidedbandname splayed in only the cool neighborhoods across town.
The outoftheloopers will be all, “who are those ridiculously attractive people I see on all of the telephone poles lately?”
Intheloopers, “pffffft. You don’t know? That’s yettobedecidedbandname. I heard the lead singer is dating Winona Rider.”
How will we achieve such success, and so soon?
Pfft. We’ll steal the booking books from only the coolest venues in town. Once returned, out yettobedecidedbandname will be splashed all over and those books don’t just fill themselves you know. If the book says you’re playing tonight? You bet your ass you are.
And if that doesn’t work. I’ll just watch these guys and get more tips.
p.s. dear Jay McCarrol, let’s get married already. You can be all deadpan funny and tall and shit and I’ll laugh a lot and let you write piano songs for me. I don’t ever need to eat peanuts again if it means not killing you.
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